Happy birthday to me

For my 36th birthday, my doctor gave me an early present (why I thought it was a good idea to have a physical on my day off is beyond me):

For those of you a-holes who haven't had to do this yet, this is a mammogram machine.  I'm positive that the man who invented this was a misogynist.  What else can explain inventing a machine that smooshes your breast as flat as a pancake so it can take a picture.  While I'm all for early detection of breast cancer, I feel like we can do better!  I wanted to make that man put his penis in one and see how it feels.  Perhaps something like this...

Yep, I bet they'd fix it real quick then.

Just saying.